did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
