I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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