Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
