I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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