i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
