Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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