Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
