My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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