If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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