Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
