i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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