Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
