You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
