the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
