I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
