I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize