the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My nipple is on Facebook.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
