just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
