I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
