after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
