dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
