He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
