Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
