You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Ladies don't puke and tell
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
