I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
