ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
