Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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