Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
