I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
