were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
