Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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