took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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