my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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