Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
