We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
