When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
