it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
