sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
