Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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