she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize