I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
