And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
smell my finger.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
