I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
