We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
