I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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