Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
