its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
