his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
