awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
high people should be assigned attendants
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
