Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have surprise drugs for everyone
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize