i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she looked like the before picture.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
