wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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