its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
