Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize