A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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