We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
