I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
