god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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