I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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