just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize