your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
not ubering you a puppy
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
