Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize