The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
