Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i barfeds in our rink
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
