doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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