went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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