Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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