I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
