her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
