she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
