Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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