Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
