she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
