Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
