After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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